ladder of dreams

i feel bad about my neck

2008-07-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

you know. i was telling daniel's brother something that day and he deemed it lame.

omg, andrew is a mean boy.HAHA! no, he really isn't. i'm just trying to act younger than my age. i'm so darn old! (well, no. not really either)

anyhow, i told andrew that i needed to tell him something important and he gave me permission to go on. so i did.

i said. hey andrew. you're AN umbrella, you're AN idiot. but you're A drew. not AN drew. therefore, i think your name is grammatically incorrect. please ask jennifer to change your name. needless to say, he went WTH and went offline. HAHHA.

i'm sorry, i still think its incredibly funny.

it always cracks me up and its been ages since i first used it. someone asked me how i come up with such things on the spot. i told them. oh, the perils of an english tutor. sigh. its a job hazard.

daniel on the other hand, is grammatically accurate since there's no noun to prefix or any such thing. so, good job jennifer!you got 0.75 names grammatically accurate.

sex and the city

2008-06-06T07:35:00.000-07:00

as i sit at my desk, trying to internalise the night in all its broken wonder; i can't help but wonder if this is a worthy enough trade off.

but i wonder.

in any case, mid semester tests are all over and past thoughts/mental notes i'd previously bookmarked and shelved into the nodes of my brain are all creeping out from oblivion.

OKAYOKAY, i sense this very negative vibe about this article so i'll shelve this piece for now. lets talk about something, cheerier? like, love. how can i not write about something like, love; after having watched sex and the city this afternoon.

so, here we go. embrace yourselves.

LOVE. we always talk about love as an entity. we say that love is this and love is that. we liken love to red splotches of emotion and associate love with prada, gucci and fendi on a stick. yet, we never just tell people that words really do undermine love.

love needs to be, experienced.

it's hard for me to write on a topic which i can barely grasp. i guess people categorize love based on romantic feelings and kinship ties. unfortunately, i have so little experience in both categories that i try but fail to see the essence of what love really is.

kinship. i want to say that i love my parents. but do i really? i want to say that i love God. but can i honestly say it without a shred of doubt or a hidden motive and agenda? i can honestly say that i can't. i want to, but i can't.

would i die for christ/parents?
YES.
would i be willing to be tortured for them?
YEs.s.ss.er..hmm..yes?hmm.erm.maybe?

and if love is sacrifice, then have i not loved them?

romantic. i want to say that i know what love is but i honestly don't. i mean, i feel a certain feeling but there are no books or kits to confirm what i feel. i've tried the library, google church and the bbc dictionary but its just one of those literary paradox of value diagrams.

go figure.

people always talk about love with the opposite sex like harry and sally(that was a great movie btw"when harry met sally")but they sometimes fail to realise that they're just one step away from the statistics and rationales they so speak of.

do i honeslty want to be part of that statistic because society commercialises love so much so that if i don't love, i'm not a typical consumer?do we love because we love, or do we love because its the right thing to do? ultimately, when all the frivolties of this tiny world has been chiselled away, one thing remains. you. you, as raw and impressionable as you've always been. you, as gullible and fresh as you've sometimes been. you, as untainted and pure as you've never been.

then what?

so, i shall now attempt to rewrite this whole article. here, lets start from the top.

LOVE. jkhfvrjr vk hbvyg vh j vyfv uhjibugyfrcv iuybiopi uyvyu ttrws ikpo i vy iououuf t uiy tc f derr ge bkjfcdkjf ff kfjrker dfjrhbt ervjoewoe riuirurut45u erjevke kerv kwej wkejw wkejv oqwp owoeuvb owei.

kwcejvrb wvbtet rbeb54 TUNY rtvr ytsyn5ty oo wqe yi7urtra kj i k oni oioik po opopopi i ioi edsw k ;l ouii [ p j vgkj ljkui k ybntyu6ur rtbtaen rteay5e rtbar ewrerbtw rnyrtyn rtnrn rntrme nrtrt4m.

okay, you get my point.(that i'm typing gibberish) my point is. we shouldn't attempt to analyze love. in the face of love, all these words are just pure gibberish. it'll fall away and we'll be left wondering. so here. let me try this again. i shall now attempt to rewrite this whole article. lets start from the top.

LOVE.

THE END

its not for me to fill up with words and pictures. this space, like love, will never be tangible. we have to fill it up in our own little ways. so there, i said it. love, is that.

---------------------------------------------

on another note, i honestly believe my husband is going to annul our marriage on the grounds of wilful refusal. omg. i hate it when peopl touch me. i feel dirty and it really just makes me want to cry.

MID YEAR

2008-05-22T06:39:00.000-07:00

"the brain is a wonderful organ. it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office" - Robert Frost

as ironic as that actually sounds, sometimes it seems to be the truth of life (especially in investment banking, read monkey business...it's the real deal) sch kinda seems that way, as if the day passes week after week and we do the same thing day in day out which is just go to sch and be like zombies. but hey, what more could the sys possibly ask for?:)

on a more happier note, it's halfway through the year. that means the hols are here:) sadly my dear will be havin sch but at least can meet up right?:) it's really awesome that u're enjoyin sch a little more though, with art and stuff. havin something to look forward to always makes sch better.

crazy things that we did this month, MC's birthday surprise:) was really funny how she fell for the trick hook line and sinker. her reaction was hilarious too, super funny. can't believe that she didn't want to talk to the "new student" though:) plus i think u look really funny in a vj uf, in a nice sort of way though:P

anyways cheerios:)
...and just to cheer u up...LOIS ROCKS:)

our birthdays

2008-02-15T00:32:00.000-08:00

i know that i ought to update more often. actually, you should too, DANIEL PFLUG! no matter, no matter.

in any case, our birthdays came and went and now we're BOTH 18. i'm awfully tired so i'll just upload a picture. will post more on another ocassion.

what a low resolution photo.. but i still like it nonetheless.

cheerio:)

oh, and on a side note, daniel has a dear nephew; James Rui-An Gifford...and guess when HIS birthday is. 7TH FEB:) so our birthdays are matched in both the lunar and english calanders.

okay, this was such a ditzy post but here i am, zipping out.

cheerio:) again.

its beautiful

2008-01-21T19:04:00.000-08:00

would you erase me if you could? if i hurt you one day

:- lois 1990-?

i've been pondering on that statement and sad to say, i WOULD erase a person. its nothing to do with maturity or the likes but more so, realism.

i mean, sure. you'll learn from your mistakes and such, grow up to be a better person and all that jazz but really, i'd just erase the person and be done with it. there are other ways to learn that lesson. its just how much you want to. in any case, i've been feeling like this(see photo) for a better part of 2008 and i'm hoping the 5th/7th of february will come and whisk away the unhappiness.. a whirlpool of negativity and bad vibes...

its so harsh and i love this photo to bits. THANKS AMELIA! :) this photo was taken for an art show that's going to be held on the 31st Jan 2008, 8pm..at...somehwere :)

much love,
lois.

Brown Penny

2008-01-04T04:41:00.000-08:00

once my teacher asked me to look for a poem to bring to the class. so I went forth to look for one. As I'm not usually a very poetic person, i garnered inspiration for the one kind of lit that i actually enjoy, movies. I found the perfect poem from the movie Must Love Dogs. At the start of the new year, i guess it kinda fits :)

Brown Penny- By W.B. Yeats

I WHISPERED, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.
'Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.

Exams

2007-12-04T05:37:00.000-08:00

Dear lois,

during this difficult time of tests and exams....I just want to say...

JIA YOU GAL :) :)

always believe that u can do it no matter how hard it might be, simply becuz u can. have lots of rest and don't stress yourself out so much yeah? so study hard and all the best for your exams

:)

dan

chitra d/o gohseckkor

2007-10-15T22:30:00.000-07:00

hello daniel,

do you believe in arranged marriages?

your friend,

loisGOH.

on a wholly different note, 75 more days to the end of the year and (75+36)days before daniel turns 18. not forgetting, (75+38)days before i turn 18.

which gives us the highly accurate number of : OMG,WE'RE SO OLD -_-"

DANIEL PFLUG. YOU AND I HAD BETTER BUCK UP if we want to be ready for our 18th birthday..hurhur, and appease cherrylady.

okay, to better prepare you for shocking questions. please describe the following picture. if you can describe this picture eloquently, you'll probably be able to handle shocking pw questions.HHAHAHAHAHA. okay. jiayou PEEjie.

the picture:
that was a breeze now, wasn't it? now, try describing this picture.

don't you absolutely adore hello kitty? i so rock.

have a nice day potential history teacher :)

ills of being a female

2007-09-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

HOUSEWORK IS EVIL!
it must be stopped :)

all the best for promos danielLE! a.k.a PEEjie

budget

2007-09-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

Budget for anniversary (excluding male half) :

movie- $10

dinner at nice restaurant- $30

gift- $40

flowers- $30

ticket to the Singapore eye- $60

trip in hot air balloon- $60

smile on her face- priceless

there are some thing that money can't buy
for everything else.......there's Tim's $200 :D

life is good...live it

welcome to the future

2007-08-09T06:18:00.000-07:00

[I] believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter-to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.....And one fine morning--

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

The Great Gatsby, by F.Scott Fitzgerald

in commemoration of national day. the dreams will keep on coming, the dreamers will keep on dreaming, the future will keep on changing. Hears to the future, and to wherever that might bring us.....

and the glasses are raised for all eternity...

dreamcatcher

2007-07-28T17:35:00.000-07:00

i found it quite to my favour that day when i was invited back to the TKGS prefects' investiture. it is tradition that year 1 tertiary prefects(ex tkgians) get invited back to witness their juniors' investiture, so with the anticipation of being welcomed back as seniors and respected leaders, anne and i made our way back.

much to our delight of course was the plain fact that the guest of honour this year was an ex tkgian turned district judge for the subordinate courts. i once told mrs. marilyn chia that i would like to come back to tkgs as a G.O.H, and cracked an uncalled for joke about how my surname was goh, so it was only right.(futile exuberance on my part).she told me she'd write my name down. haha, she's such a darling. it was indeed lovely to be back at the place in which i had found myself and thus, grown in stature as a girl/woman and learner.

TKGS taught me resilience and patience in realising dreams and though this isn't a eulogy of sorts,it must be said.

recently, i nearly got into this mindless quarrel (though,not entirely groundless) with daniel when we were talking about the morality of law. i practically FORCED him to see it my way and i cited him the appeallate civil jurisdiction case : Dr Khoo James and Another v Gunapathy d/o Muniandy. he of course, promptly saw it from the lawyer's point of view and i nearly slapped him. i know, we've been trained to think in the way that a lawyer would and see it from the law's point of view. there is no fairness in law, just orderliness, a structure that we are bound by.
me:
so, i ask you again daniel pflug. do you still want to do law?

dan:
hahaha, that is the ques after all right?
I guess law is something that i am interested in doing
and yet at the same time I want to teach history
as to which one I will do in the end I don't know
it isn't really up to me right?

me:
no. as of now. it is. it'll determine if i get angry at you for a while because i'm irrational and i want everyone to share the same view as me about the law. or,if i dont get angry

dan:
lol
wow something big must have happened
lets say I do share your views about law, that it does have it's bad points
and law as a profession is a morality black hole

me:
okay. so daniel pflug. do u still want to do law? considering that ur intention will be a lawyer afterward
answer with care ah

dan:
hahaha
( now how on earth do I get out of this:P )
I think I am not sure but my answer leans more to no
due to the attraction of teaching as crazy as I might sound:P
and not because I don't believe in the judiciary system

me:
wah. i commend u. u got out of a possibly threathening situation. haha. okay. answer approved
really? and i can see you as a teacher

dan:
hahaha thank you:D
I guess I really would enjoy teaching
it is a better way to touch the hearts of the future
and our children do need to learn certain things
one being morality

we have choices to make and decisions to think through. daniel and i started out on equal footing(well,sort of). he chose the jc route. i chose the poly route.we made a choice there and then. the harsh reality of the law/tort was shoved in my face and i increasingly shirked away from lawyer. till i could only manage to wince out a feeble statement. i dont want to be a lawyer anymore.

you see, i am beaten.

yet, this musn't be the case. i must be strong.

so, i was thinking. even if i dont becaome a lawyer, i do still want to go to law school. that task itself may be daunting but if i shy away from it, i'll be running away my whole life. i told myself that i would improve my life this year and i'll start by working hard. i know that even if you spend your whole life chasing after something and when you DO get it, its not what you want, at least you'll know. at least you would have gotten the chance to find out.

you'd be at peace, then.

and here are some photos of the tkgs investiture.be jealous daniel! tkgs is better than victoria!:) haha, kidding. equal okay?(girls are just cooler)

the district judge and by golly, EH ALMAAS! YOUR SISTER!next to the judge.hurhur
lubna,yasmin, amanda and me(not in uniform)SIGH. surprisingly, none of them were prefects, they just came to promote temasek junior college. chey, i'm in temasek poly.
under my umbrelllaaaaaaaaaaaa.
one of the few relatively formal photos that tkgians actually take. mrs lim(pregnant ex tkgian a.k.a principal of tkgs), lubna, square mandy, yasmin, me

dreams, are journeys through a looking glass.

chasing cars

2007-07-13T08:27:00.000-07:00

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel
Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay hereIf I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads
I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

chasing cars....chasing dreams....so near yet so far...if only it was all that simple. Is it our minds that just seem to complicate things?

humans?

2007-06-10T07:18:00.000-07:00

what makes us human, is it our intelligence? Is it love?

It's definitely not intelligence. Throughout history man has made so many mistakes. Whoever said history is a good teacher is disillusioned. History isn't a good teacher if the students don't learn, students in this case being man. The same mistakes that we have been making thousands of years ago is still happening today. What happened to "make love not war" ? War itself already shows the lack of "human intelligence". Why do people fight in the war, is it for glory or power? I'm sure killing soldiers, your fellow men is honourable, bombing the hell out of civilians who can't fight back is a hit with the ladies. Oh Bob how many civilians did u bomb today?......I don't know Jean...maybe a few thousand. Wow the ladies definitely love that. Is it for resources? I'm sure the laying waste to the whole of France will turn it into the most fertile farmland in the whole of Europe. ooppssss....I think I blew up a few cold mines, I think I have a few left....I hope. It's amazing how intelligent man can be, or in this case stupid. So what if we remember those mistakes if we still repeat them? So what if we try to educate ourselves if we don't learn? What's the point?

Love, this is the only thing that makes us human, and if both our salvation and our doom. For love man would do anything. For love man would do their worse. Love is the one thing that differentiates us from animals, the one thing that we can cling to, the one thing that we can say makes us human. For love, kings will conquer cities, kill thousands ( well not anymore, now it's just for greed and stupidity) For love, some of the greatest works of art were created, the greatest theatre productions, the greatest songs. For love man would do crazy things, neglect his own happiness just to make his own love happy,regardless of whether he is hurt in the process (reminds me of a movie:P ) It remains and will forever remain the greatest inspiration to us all.

thus love is truly the only redeeming factor of the human race.

If you have actually read to this far, well done. What you have just read could be the ramblings of an emo 17 year old, or it could be the answer to why we....are simply too human....

life is not the amount of breaths you take, it's the moments that take your breath away-Hitch

the safest bet

2007-05-04T18:53:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt so humiliated that you just can't bear to raise your head high up anymore? humiliation is the key to school now.well, its more so a pre requisite. you have no idea how lonely i feel in school,behind the laughter,behind the secret smiles.

the emptiness of not being able to fufil some of the most basic requirements.ah,i'm not making sense(on a technical level).

how? what do i do? i'm slowly changing.i know i'm not tkgs lois anymore. i'm tp lois. tp lois is drastically different. she never laughs, she never angers, she never does very much anymore.the lois you once knew,dead. the one you now know,barely surviving. its so hard to work for what you want when your needs just call out for you. no strings attached?barely.

watched sky high before? awesome kiddy show but a nice watch nonetheless. they were split into superhero and sidekick classes. i'm,a sidekick. i am,a lawyer's AIDE. i clean up where people falter. i'm sorry,i wasn't made to be an aide. i feel, in teenage terms,sucky :(

a rose by any other name, would it still be the same?...

Love is an act of faith

2007-04-27T06:35:00.000-07:00

Love is an act of faith.

was reminded about this phrase recently. Thus I decided to re-post this entry that I did on this same phrase approximately one year ago ( what a coincidence ). So here it is....

Thursday, 23 Mar 2006

an act of faith

I'm sure u have heard the phrase that love is an act of faith. I've said it lots of times too but I don't know why but suddenly today it really struck me how true it is. To love your family, to love your friends, to love your girlfriend or your wife, u nvr realli know whether u will be loved back. I mean sure u believe that your love will be returned, but u will nvr truely know. Simply becuz it is impossible to know what the other is thinking, no one is psychic ( don't believe all the trash that u watch on tv ) Yet u still love the other person believing that they love u in return.

How true is this with my beliefs. Love in god, a person whom I have nvr seen yet I call him my best friend, a person I have nvr heard yet I believe that he talks to me. A person that u can't even touch yet he is always there, loving u back. Love really indeed is .... always has been...and always will be...an act of faith.

have u ever wondered why it is so easy to forget and yet so difficult to remember....
does wisdom actually come with age..or is it just that we see clearer and yet remain blind?

utterly distracted

2007-04-23T07:18:00.000-07:00

LOIS IS IN SESSION

confusion sets in but i know what i'm going to do.

be patient and wait, results may vary.

damn, i think,i may be in love?

moribus modestus,demure and resolute

distractions

2007-03-28T18:57:00.000-07:00

LOIS is in session

sometimes i get very distracted from the goal that i've set before me. there are many factors of course as to why i may get distracted. some may suggest that family, religion,events or even love could cause it.

i would agree.

to some extent of course. there are always two or more sides to every arguemant or debateable statement. yet, i can't help but to think that i've faltered greatly in accomplishing my goal.

sure, family,religion,events or love could cause my downfall yet these are by far only the immediate factors/causes. the root problem has been left untouched which is, mindset and determination.

lets take love for example,

i've always been quite the fickle one. this year,i decided to scrap that.i embarked on this personal mission for the betterment of loisgoh. called "operation zachary". operation zachary's about not being so fickle and liking a person at a time without no absolute overlap which is rather difficult since we are human and female. females,not the most objective creatures in the world.

yet,i've put my mind to doing it and i'm sure i can. distraction, accomplished:)

daniel's SMALL and i'm goliath like :(
relaxing and come what may
JUMP! what? JUMP!

a thought came to my mind yesterday night while i was watching this cantonese drama. you know how some people can win in chess when they first start out or how some children can sing well when they're young.

as absurd as it sounds,i think we could liken this to beginner's luck.

when man knows no knowledge of a subject,he may do well but the more he delves into it,the more he doesn't do well in it because he starts to fear. just like adam and eve in genesis,before they sinned,they feared nothing and were kindly to all the animals.yet,once they sinned,all hell broke loose. :(

this is just a thought of course.do ponder:)

moribus modestus,demure and resolute :tkgs boleh!

lois has spoken:)

chasing dreams

2007-03-24T05:39:00.000-07:00

Dan is in session:P

Chasing dreams, running after something so far away, running after a race that might never end, hoping to god that you won't just collapse onto the track. Taking risks, like a person jumping off a building. They leap, and hope to god they can fly, because otherwise you will just drop like a rock wondering the whole way down, why on earth did I jump?

I guess that in life, everything is about opportunities. When the teacher asks the class for volunteers to go for some prestigious seminar, when the school is organising a competition for music, when the exams are coming and you wonder whether to study for it or not. Opportunities like whether to go to the next level in a relationship, whether to go pick up a hobby that you always wanted to do, whether to pick up a friendship with someone you haven't talked to in ages. It's about whether you want to grab the opportunity as it comes, or just let it pass you by. Like waiting for the bus (sounds familiar doesn't it)

In the end, it's about whether the juice is worth the squeeze. That's the one thing that comes to your mind, whether or not whatever you do is actually worth it. That question differs from person to person as people place values on different things well basically....differently. I guess success does play an important role in a decision to chase a particular dream, but the end might not give the satisfaction.

Dreams will always be dreams, a thought that forever will remain in the corner of your mind. And you will always think to yourself what would have actually happened if I decided to push for this dream? You will never forgive yourself for not trying, and the dream will remain a dream.

What matters is whether you have the guts to go for it, to pursue that dream. If you don't jump, how do you know whether you will fall? life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you gonna get....

till you have the balls to take the choc and pop it in your mouth...

chinGAY

2007-02-25T06:59:00.000-08:00

LOIS is in session
i thought i'd start the ball rolling with a post; a post thats highly influenced by the recent spate of events and educational decisions.

chingay- the parade of dreams. dreams.

life isn't life till we dream. have you lived today?

as feb draws to a close,we're left wondering what the future holds.

daniel with his A level syllabus and me,with the impending poly rigour.

i was thinking the other day, am i now a lesser citizen just because of a decision to enter a polytechnic instead of following the norm and go the jc route. i've been smothered with lots of decision-pushers recently. (people who push me from member to member of their "we-know-best-you-young-child committee")

i'm sad to say,i've been judged.

the deciding hand of social status has come early to us and its smacked me right across the face. hard, the slap is hard and tears of bitterness and oppression ensues. just as racism is so cutting, discrimination will always find a way to infiltrate every waking moment of life. our lives will continue being measured unless we turn around and rip the measures from their cold,unfeeling hands.

this is what chasing your dreams is all about.

for someone to condemn the ratrace and crawl away to the outskirts of a nation is purist in thought and though greatly admired,should in fact be abhored. for, in everything we do, we shall do in moderation. only then, can success be attained with greater balance and ease. yet, not all is paradise when one becomes a grubber for material wealth because by then, the soul would have been sold.

i want to become a lawyer. my ultimate dream however,is to study psychology and help kids with troubled backgrounds. so, the challenge now.

this is my challenge:

to stay on this road and do all i can in my capacity as goh leyu lois and become the eventual lawyer.(A COOLER LAWYER THAN PFLUGGY NO DOUBT:)just kidding).

what i must do to accomplish it:

love knowledge and more importantly,love myself enough to trust that i can do it if i just give myself a chance to prove my worth.my thoughts don't come up to naught. i'm sure God will guide me and give me strength no doubt.

this is my prayer and i hope this is the start of something wonderful.

moribus modestus,demure and resolute :tkgs boleh!

lois has spoken:)